


Hamildresden, Track Three: Grave Peril ("Vampire Battle #1")

by Rob Nobody (RobNobody)



Series: Hamildresden [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: Book 3: Grave Peril, Canon compliant-ish, Gen, I left out the conversation, Look it's the important part of the song, Musicals, Rap Battles, Retelling, There's not gonna be a Vampire Battle #2, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:15:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26555710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobNobody/pseuds/Rob%20Nobody
Summary: Ladies and gentlemen, you shoulda gone anywhere else in town tonight, but you're here with us at The Velvet Room. Are you ready for a vampire party???The issue on the table: Wizard Harry Dresden chose to give up guest rights and attacked his congenial host. Baroness St. Claire, you may have the floor first.Part three of my inexplicable quest to adapt a different song fromHamiltonfor every book ofThe Dresden Files.
Relationships: Harry Dresden/Susan Rodriguez
Series: Hamildresden [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912114
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Hamildresden, Track Three: Grave Peril ("Vampire Battle #1")

**Author's Note:**

> To the tune of "[Cabinet Battle #1](https://genius.com/Christopher-jackson-daveed-diggs-lin-manuel-miranda-and-okieriete-onaodowan-cabinet-battle-1-lyrics)." Try it out [with the music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2JfqjD7N-Q)!
> 
> It is _absolutely crucial_ for you to remember that Harry is singing this wearing nothing but his amulet, his shield bracelet, and a pair of yellow ducky boxers.

[DON PAOLO ORTEGA]  
Ladies and gentlemen, you shoulda gone anywhere else in town tonight, but you're here with us at The Velvet Room. Are you ready for a vampire party???

The issue on the table: Wizard Harry Dresden chose to give up guest rights and attacked his congenial host. Baroness St. Claire, you may have the floor first.

[BIANCA ST. CLAIRE]  
Guests legally have some responsibilities  
And hosts must treat them well, tho' we could kill 'em with ease  
We can't ignore this, the Accorded all note it  
And we're on board, my lords, cuz Mab wrote it

[VAMPIRES]  
Ooh!

[BIANCA]  
But Dresden failed the test  
He broke the sacred covenant of host and guest  
First, he addressed us with so much disrespect  
Then struck out with such violence my party was wrecked

[HARRY]  
Oh please

[BIANCA]  
Geez, if the truth hurts, bear it  
You moved first, my friend  
I'm sure your Knight would swear it. Uh! The law is clear, and severe  
Once in my house you killed someone near and quite dear  
I forgave ya, asked you to this soiree  
Gave a gift! You are gonna find it useful, I pray  
But infernal curs like you maliciously turn  
And with a ready, pure mission made very sure my mansion burned  
Still I swear that we will clear the air  
And compromise or war's declared over this silly affair  
Look, I'm willin' to forgive, you all go free  
Put simply you just gimme this new half-turned gal as trophy

[ORTEGA & _VAMPIRES_ ]  
Thank you, Baroness St. Claire, miss  
_Let's just kill 'em all!_  
Wizard Harry Dresden, your response

[HARRY]  
Madame. That was a real nice accusation  
Thank you for the tombstone, in turn you get cremation  
Now you gonna fess up, or just holler  
Blame me for— what'd you call the girl you ate, uh, "Rachel-Paula?"  
If she mattered so much, then maybe such  
A friend's not for munchin', or accept the repercussions  
Why are you still fussin'? Think you're big trouble and untouchable  
Just cuz you set me up? Too bad your house is combustible  
An ethics lesson from Elvira. Inspirin'  
You takin' pride in your "good-guy" vampirin'?  
"I am clearing the air. Compromise!"  
Yeah, you're nervous  
I know what's really under your surface  
That's the heart of this, Mistress "Likes to Exsanguinate"  
I'll never let you have the girl, she won't en-fang-ulate  
You think I'm anxious 'bout war, bat?  
It's worth the chance, for her sake  
But now you must understand your mistake  
You and Mavra, just so nefarious with your arrogance  
Perilous—been stirring up ghosts, you couldn't care no less  
Baroness, you had so much buried, sis, 'neath your residence  
That's enough bad vibes for some spirit contrariness  
Searchin' for you, their abusers  
Hey, look around, it's over, they'll show you how much truth hurts

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for it not really being the complete song, as I left off the conversation between Washington and Hamilton at the end. I figured, however, that at this point in the story Bianca's dead, Ortega vanishes, and Harry passes out. That, uh, doesn't leave much of a place to go. This is the real "meat" of the song, anyway.
> 
> I do, however, categorically refuse to apologize for "en-fang-ulate."


End file.
